Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
do herpes really smell.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
