So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
