So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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