Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
