If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
