It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
