Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
