Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
