When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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