Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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