She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i think i have two assholes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
