I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
