so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize