Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
