That's intense
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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