You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
