I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
