I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
