I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
