i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
