I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
