She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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