u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
