hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
