How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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