What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
