she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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