some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
