I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dignity is for republicans.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
3 2 1 whiskey
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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