Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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