Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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