Im at strip club and am horny
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
