Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
