I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
