got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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