Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?

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(303): View more from Colorado

And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.

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(941): View more from Florida

sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single

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(770): View more from Georgia

Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight

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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera

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(630): View more from Illinois

In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional

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(313): View more from Michigan

After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.

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