just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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