So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Randomize
