Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
