I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
