Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
