do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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