Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
