I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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