I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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