I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
