dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
