That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
