a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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