The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
