If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
