Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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