she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
