I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
