I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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