he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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