I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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