hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
