There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
