The maid of honor just puked.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
