I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize