was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
In America we eat man semen.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
