Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize