Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
