Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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