I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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