I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Are we still banned from the library?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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